I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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