Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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