what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
