oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
