I can't watch pbs sober anymore
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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