you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
