4 words: hood of his car
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
