20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
