I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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