I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
