I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
