i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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