that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
