ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
