What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
