a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
