Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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