saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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