I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
