i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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