So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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