planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
