Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
