i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
