I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
