just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
