Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize