she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
