If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
