I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
