I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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