do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
