yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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