Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
