Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
