i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
