I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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