he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
