You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How naked do you want me to be?
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