So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
