it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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