cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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