dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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