naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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