Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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