No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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