All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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