Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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