Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize