textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize