When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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