At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
