Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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