I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
