please come you make the beer taste better
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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