Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
