He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
