Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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