I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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