i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
