I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
