somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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