He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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