im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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