Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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