I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Liz is crying about burritos again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
